This current group has me pretty occupied with "so many activities", but here is what I have been up to since I left Barcelona:
1: hanging out at the beach in Nice during the day, and some hard-ass parkouring around the streets at night. There is nothing like watching goofy white kids (and adults) doing some sick parkour
2: Skydiving and more Canyoning in Interlaken. Check off one more thing off my bucket list that wasn't on my bucket list. A 14,000ft jump out of a helicopter was one of the most amazing things I have ever done. Unlike bungie jumping, I really enjoyed it even though I almost pissed my pants the entire time. The canonying trip was different, longer, and all around more badass than my 1st trip. Jumping, rappelling, and sliding down water falls in a canyon in the Swiss Alps is a damn good, but cold time. I highly suggest it.
3: Visiting the Dachau Concentration Camp outside of Munich. It was a very sobering and somber adventure but well worth it if you are a fan of history. It is one of the most depressing places in the world, which leads me to a question. Why do Asian tourists think it is ok to take pictures in a gas chamber, pointing to the vents while smiling? So many tasteless pictures that we had no choice but to try and photo bomb them.
4: The royal palace accompanied by a classical concert in Prague. This trip can't all be fun and games, the kids need some culture, and we got more than our share in Prague. The tour was nice, and so was the concert; but I learned that you can't try and force culture down an 18 year old's throat.
5: Arrived back in Amsterdam last night after our 3rd horrible problem with the European trIn system. We have had to deal with having the wrong itinerary and tickets going to interlaken, a train strike in Munich (which lead to us taking a bus to some random city in the Czech Republic and meeting the most outrageous homeless person I have ever seen. At one point he had 5 flies on his face and one in his mouth. We dubbed him "Dirty Mike"), and having the wrong itinerary for the 2nd time and a 3 hour delay. We got in last night at 11, and are now looking forward to 2 days of adventures in Amsterdam. Heiniken museum get ready.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Trip 2 has started and I am FINALLY out of Spain!
My mew group arrived 3 days ago and I can already tell that this is going to be a blast. Everyone is different, and they all bring their own quirks to the party. The main thing that I realize is thAt these guys are ruthless to each other (and I do not help the situation...in fact I am. Pretty sure i make it 250% worse). This trip os going to be epic mainly because they want to make it memorable. It is easy to take around a group of people who want nothing more in the world than to have fun. Spain had gotten old after spending 13 days there. I swear if I had to eat tapas one more time I was going to snap. The first thing I did in spain was...eat tapas, once my new group arrived the first thing we did was...eat tapas. There is only so much squid and ham that you can eat before you lose your mind. It doesn't help that I got food poisoning in Madrid and the last thing I ate was...squid and ham. Kind of turns you off the whole thing. I swore to myself that I was done with eating pizza, but arriving here in Nice I have never been happier to crush some za, bra. Our next stop is Interlaken again, and I only have one thing left to do, and for my parents sake, I wont mention it until I am done, but I will give you a hint, it rhymes with "high fiving" and it involves a helicopter.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Trip 1 is Done
Well my 1st Euro trip has come to an end. It is sad to see this group of kids go, we had a blast (only wish I hadn't gotten food poisoning the last 2 days after drinking a beer that I think mixed with the sewage lines). Here is what I learned from our outings:
1: Haley is some sort of sorcerer. She is the only person to lose both her passport and cell phone in 2 different countries and have them both returned. She MUST be dabbeling in the dark arts.
2: Pub crawls are hit or miss, depending on the city. Amsterdam pub crawl was amazing and ten kids had a blast...I think. Prague and Madrid pub crawls are creepy and kind of remind me of hanging out with circus folk.
3: Barcelona is sketchy as hell. Between the gangs, pickpockets, Indian dudes with mouth squeekers,and having Ricky lead us down Prostitute and Knife Wound Alley (we literally saw a blood trail) I would be hard pressed to go back again...oh wait I go back in 2 days. Damn it!
4: if you do get pick pocketed, check to see if you didn't put your wallet in your suitcase before you cancel your credit, debit cards.
5: The girlfriends on this trip are the bread winners of the relationship. After 1 pickpocteting and one fake pickpocketing, watching the boys have to ask their girlfriends for money on a daily basis was a lot of fun. Way to go Jen and Mad Dog, support your men.
6: A simple countdown from 5 can get you to do anything. "Jump out of this gondola", "Hell no!". "5, 4,3,2,1", and somehow I jumped. It also works on jumping off waterfalls.
7: Doing a "Texas, Fight!" yell can get you thrown out of the biggest beer haus in Munich. Eventhough I 100% refused to yell it, I still sat back and watched out sweet girls get the boot. Apparently Munic is full of Aggies. Gig 'em Munich.
8: In order to the a bicycle lisence in Amsterdam, you have to be a hot woman or a creepy dude. On the same note, in order to get a moped lisence in Amsterdam, you have to be a creepy dude, with another creepy dude riding tandem with you. I'm looking at you KellY and Marty
9: What in the hell is wrong with Europen guys fashion? I cannot begin to describe some of the outfits I saw. Jorts, skinny jeans, and capris are only the tip of the iceberg. Worst of all it doesn't stop there, the haircuts were nothing short of amazing. Mullets, fauxhawks, and most amazing of all, the Jedi Padawan front braid from Star Wars Episode II were everywhere. I'm pretty sure that where I'm from you'd get your ass kicked for dressing like that.
10: Regardless of where we are in the world, the top two most consumed foods by 18 year olds are pizza and late night McDonalds. I'm not going to lie, in Munich I did wake up next to a bag of shame (an empty 10 piece McNugget and a large fries), but I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself that I never went back. These kids crushed McDonalds on almost a nightly basis. It was amazing and awe-inspiring to witness.
All in all, the trip was amazing, but not without drama. Mixing guys and girls may not have been the best idea, but it did work out in the end (thanks Bones for coming back and making everything all better). Would I do it again, absolutely. Would I try and escort the girls home when curfew is up absolutely not (I think I am losing my hair due to stress). Would I go out with the guys to the pub, absolutely. Would I go out with the group to a club, absolutely not. Especially when random 40 year old spanards are punching Charlie in the face (mark that one off your bucket list). Well, I have a nice 3 day rest before my next group gets here. Time to catch up on some sleep, laundry, and detox.
1: Haley is some sort of sorcerer. She is the only person to lose both her passport and cell phone in 2 different countries and have them both returned. She MUST be dabbeling in the dark arts.
2: Pub crawls are hit or miss, depending on the city. Amsterdam pub crawl was amazing and ten kids had a blast...I think. Prague and Madrid pub crawls are creepy and kind of remind me of hanging out with circus folk.
3: Barcelona is sketchy as hell. Between the gangs, pickpockets, Indian dudes with mouth squeekers,and having Ricky lead us down Prostitute and Knife Wound Alley (we literally saw a blood trail) I would be hard pressed to go back again...oh wait I go back in 2 days. Damn it!
4: if you do get pick pocketed, check to see if you didn't put your wallet in your suitcase before you cancel your credit, debit cards.
5: The girlfriends on this trip are the bread winners of the relationship. After 1 pickpocteting and one fake pickpocketing, watching the boys have to ask their girlfriends for money on a daily basis was a lot of fun. Way to go Jen and Mad Dog, support your men.
6: A simple countdown from 5 can get you to do anything. "Jump out of this gondola", "Hell no!". "5, 4,3,2,1", and somehow I jumped. It also works on jumping off waterfalls.
7: Doing a "Texas, Fight!" yell can get you thrown out of the biggest beer haus in Munich. Eventhough I 100% refused to yell it, I still sat back and watched out sweet girls get the boot. Apparently Munic is full of Aggies. Gig 'em Munich.
8: In order to the a bicycle lisence in Amsterdam, you have to be a hot woman or a creepy dude. On the same note, in order to get a moped lisence in Amsterdam, you have to be a creepy dude, with another creepy dude riding tandem with you. I'm looking at you KellY and Marty
9: What in the hell is wrong with Europen guys fashion? I cannot begin to describe some of the outfits I saw. Jorts, skinny jeans, and capris are only the tip of the iceberg. Worst of all it doesn't stop there, the haircuts were nothing short of amazing. Mullets, fauxhawks, and most amazing of all, the Jedi Padawan front braid from Star Wars Episode II were everywhere. I'm pretty sure that where I'm from you'd get your ass kicked for dressing like that.
10: Regardless of where we are in the world, the top two most consumed foods by 18 year olds are pizza and late night McDonalds. I'm not going to lie, in Munich I did wake up next to a bag of shame (an empty 10 piece McNugget and a large fries), but I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself that I never went back. These kids crushed McDonalds on almost a nightly basis. It was amazing and awe-inspiring to witness.
All in all, the trip was amazing, but not without drama. Mixing guys and girls may not have been the best idea, but it did work out in the end (thanks Bones for coming back and making everything all better). Would I do it again, absolutely. Would I try and escort the girls home when curfew is up absolutely not (I think I am losing my hair due to stress). Would I go out with the guys to the pub, absolutely. Would I go out with the group to a club, absolutely not. Especially when random 40 year old spanards are punching Charlie in the face (mark that one off your bucket list). Well, I have a nice 3 day rest before my next group gets here. Time to catch up on some sleep, laundry, and detox.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Barcelona...the sketchiest place in Europe
Don't get me wrong, Barcelona is a great city. The bars are wonderful, the food is beyond great, and the beach is one of the most amazing ones I have ever been on. However, there are a lot of problems with this city:
1: What is the deal with Indian dudes and their squeaky advertisement toys. I am not sure what these things are but the most common thing I can compare them to is a high pitched turkey call. Indian dudes are every 30ft selling glowing rubber band fired spinning things (again the best name I could come up with) and squeaking these horrible sounds. I didn't want to buy your crappy helicopter in the first place, and squeaking in my face isn't helping your sale.
2: Graffiti. Why do punks feel the need to spray paint everything the see. Grow up and stop ruining everything you see.
3: The elderly. I thought Florida had a lot of old folks living there and reining in their twilight years, but Barcelona trumps them with old folks doing the same thing but being active. Do you have any idea hoe hard it is to pass a group of 90 year old women WALKING down the street? It's impossible! You can't be rude, but they can't hurry up. Don't they know that they are old and their life is coming to a close? Shouldn't they be moving with a bit more haste? I've seen younger people at the nickel slots in New Orleans.
4: Thugs rule the city. Screw Compton, CA in the early 90s, Barcelona is riddled with gangs. We saw 2 Americans getting beaten up by 8 Spanish dudes in a back alley. The Batman in me wanted to help them, but my lack of stab wound protection didn't let it happen. Walking away from this mugging was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I have never felt more helpless for my fellow man, and for my ability to defend him. It was very, very sad.
Here is what happened to our group, it is kind of like the first three days of the 12 days of Christmas, but with crime:
1: Night club face punching by some random Spaniard who was grabbing our girls. However, kind of like Buster Bluth, getting in the face was on his bucket list, so he isn't upset about it. Actually he made a few people on our trip jealous.
2: Vinyl clocks bought. Sorry dad but I bought you two badass vinyl clocks, one of the stones And on of the dead, but surprise surprise, the clocks stopped working and I left them in Barcelona.
3: People robbed. Well honestly it is one, but one kid had his wallet stolen while sleeping on the train. One thought his wallet was stolen at a night club, but found out the next day that he put it in his bag. The last, Charner, had some random chick try and steal her purse while walking back from breakfast. Luckily her karate stance scarred the chick off.
I am currently in Madrid which is an amazing city. This group has 2 days left and then it gets started again. I finally found a computer with a CD drive so I will try and post my pics from Interlaken tomorrow.
1: What is the deal with Indian dudes and their squeaky advertisement toys. I am not sure what these things are but the most common thing I can compare them to is a high pitched turkey call. Indian dudes are every 30ft selling glowing rubber band fired spinning things (again the best name I could come up with) and squeaking these horrible sounds. I didn't want to buy your crappy helicopter in the first place, and squeaking in my face isn't helping your sale.
2: Graffiti. Why do punks feel the need to spray paint everything the see. Grow up and stop ruining everything you see.
3: The elderly. I thought Florida had a lot of old folks living there and reining in their twilight years, but Barcelona trumps them with old folks doing the same thing but being active. Do you have any idea hoe hard it is to pass a group of 90 year old women WALKING down the street? It's impossible! You can't be rude, but they can't hurry up. Don't they know that they are old and their life is coming to a close? Shouldn't they be moving with a bit more haste? I've seen younger people at the nickel slots in New Orleans.
4: Thugs rule the city. Screw Compton, CA in the early 90s, Barcelona is riddled with gangs. We saw 2 Americans getting beaten up by 8 Spanish dudes in a back alley. The Batman in me wanted to help them, but my lack of stab wound protection didn't let it happen. Walking away from this mugging was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I have never felt more helpless for my fellow man, and for my ability to defend him. It was very, very sad.
Here is what happened to our group, it is kind of like the first three days of the 12 days of Christmas, but with crime:
1: Night club face punching by some random Spaniard who was grabbing our girls. However, kind of like Buster Bluth, getting in the face was on his bucket list, so he isn't upset about it. Actually he made a few people on our trip jealous.
2: Vinyl clocks bought. Sorry dad but I bought you two badass vinyl clocks, one of the stones And on of the dead, but surprise surprise, the clocks stopped working and I left them in Barcelona.
3: People robbed. Well honestly it is one, but one kid had his wallet stolen while sleeping on the train. One thought his wallet was stolen at a night club, but found out the next day that he put it in his bag. The last, Charner, had some random chick try and steal her purse while walking back from breakfast. Luckily her karate stance scarred the chick off.
I am currently in Madrid which is an amazing city. This group has 2 days left and then it gets started again. I finally found a computer with a CD drive so I will try and post my pics from Interlaken tomorrow.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Interlaken
reetings from the south of France. The beaches are amazing, the food is excellent, and there are plenty of topless old women to oggle at. Interlaken was one of the most intense and amazibg experiences of my life. I jumped 450 feet out of a gondola, went paragliding off if a mountain and over the city, and most fun of all, I went canyoning which involved jumping off waterfalls, rapelling, and swimming through rapids. Needless to say I might be over my fear of heights. I was standing 450ft over a lake telling myself that there is no way in hell that I am going to jump. However, you would be amazed at what a simple countdown from 5 can accomplish. Everyone asked me if I would ever duo it again and my anwser is hell no! Once was more than enough All of my pics from my activities from Interlaken are on 2 cds and when I get to a comp, I will post them.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Munich, the most fun city in the world...so far
I am currently in Munich and I have never seen a city that has more fun drinking and having a good time. First of all the beers here are HUGE! I'm talking about a whole liter of the most delicious beer in the world, and somehow due to German witchcraft, they never get warm. Last night We went to 2 different beer hauses and everyone was singing, laughing and having a blast. It is amazing how people this friendly could be responsible for the deaths of millions of people. On that note, the group is going to a Concentration Camp today. I opted to stay with the kids who didn't want to go because i am going with my next group and I don't want to have to visit the most depressing place in the world more than once. It will be good for the kids, and i hope they don't come back too sad to enjoy one of our girl's birthdays. It would be a shame for them to be depressed while drinking 100000000 liters of beer.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Things I learned in Prague
Prague is hands down the coolest city that I have been to so far. The city is amazing and I will have photos up when I figure out how. Now on To the good stuff.
1: For $25 American, in a Thai Message Parlor, you can...stick your feet it an aquarium full of fish and let them eat all the dead skin. It was the strangest feeling in the world, not to mention you have to do it in the window display of the busiest street in Prague. Needless to say, I made a lot of new friends.
2: Never go on a pub crawl in Prague. It is bad when the chaperone of a trip for 18 year olds is the 2nd youngest man in the bar. Also, 18 year old women do not like 45 year old Indian dudes. Whodda thunk it?
3: For every icing, there is an equal and opposite re-icing. The kids thought it was cute to Ice me in Amsterdam, but they are being picked off one by one by a very spiteful chaperone.
4: Casinos in the Czek Republic are pretty sketchy. Just to prove a point to my kids that they were getting ripped off I bet about $20 in black Jack and got waxed. Now anyone who has seen me play blackjack before knows I'm worthless at it, but this was a whole new level of awful. Damn thiefs.
5: Europe has a funny way of balancing itself out. I saw hands down the most attractive women in Prague, but at the same time I saw the ugliest human beings in the world. They made the women of state fairs look like Playboy bunnies. I'm surprised that their government let's them go outside during the day time without wearing a bee keeper suit. If you want to make millions of dollars, go to Prague and make Halloween masks out of these women's faces. Kids would have nightmares for years.
6: Skinny jeans are sadly still popular here, but at the same time so are jorts. Again Europe has balanced itself out. As lame and emberrasing as skinny jeans are, an old man wearing extremely inappropriate jorts is badass enough that I can forgive the jeans.
7: What is the deal with pizza places and argentine steak houses? Everywhere you go, this is all you can see. Now I love pizza and steak, but come on! How do these places stay in business when 90% of the resturaunts in your county sell the exact same thing? Luckily Germany is different.
8: going to the bathroom costs a lot of money. Why in the hell are they allowed to charge you .50 Euros to use the toilet? I have spent more money on expelling the food I ate, than the food itself. It's cool though, I got my revenge of the bathroom in Prague's Royal Palace.
9: Hotdogs are now ruined for me. I had a late night hot dog and it was hands down one of the best things I have ever eaten. I can never go back to Oscar Meyer now. Damn you Prague.
10: Trying to get 10 girls back from a bar is harder than herding cats on catnip and cocaine. They wonder, yell, talk yo every guy they pass, and are HUNGRY! Not to say that they aren't a ton of fun, but getting them home explains why I am getting paid so much to do this.
1: For $25 American, in a Thai Message Parlor, you can...stick your feet it an aquarium full of fish and let them eat all the dead skin. It was the strangest feeling in the world, not to mention you have to do it in the window display of the busiest street in Prague. Needless to say, I made a lot of new friends.
2: Never go on a pub crawl in Prague. It is bad when the chaperone of a trip for 18 year olds is the 2nd youngest man in the bar. Also, 18 year old women do not like 45 year old Indian dudes. Whodda thunk it?
3: For every icing, there is an equal and opposite re-icing. The kids thought it was cute to Ice me in Amsterdam, but they are being picked off one by one by a very spiteful chaperone.
4: Casinos in the Czek Republic are pretty sketchy. Just to prove a point to my kids that they were getting ripped off I bet about $20 in black Jack and got waxed. Now anyone who has seen me play blackjack before knows I'm worthless at it, but this was a whole new level of awful. Damn thiefs.
5: Europe has a funny way of balancing itself out. I saw hands down the most attractive women in Prague, but at the same time I saw the ugliest human beings in the world. They made the women of state fairs look like Playboy bunnies. I'm surprised that their government let's them go outside during the day time without wearing a bee keeper suit. If you want to make millions of dollars, go to Prague and make Halloween masks out of these women's faces. Kids would have nightmares for years.
6: Skinny jeans are sadly still popular here, but at the same time so are jorts. Again Europe has balanced itself out. As lame and emberrasing as skinny jeans are, an old man wearing extremely inappropriate jorts is badass enough that I can forgive the jeans.
7: What is the deal with pizza places and argentine steak houses? Everywhere you go, this is all you can see. Now I love pizza and steak, but come on! How do these places stay in business when 90% of the resturaunts in your county sell the exact same thing? Luckily Germany is different.
8: going to the bathroom costs a lot of money. Why in the hell are they allowed to charge you .50 Euros to use the toilet? I have spent more money on expelling the food I ate, than the food itself. It's cool though, I got my revenge of the bathroom in Prague's Royal Palace.
9: Hotdogs are now ruined for me. I had a late night hot dog and it was hands down one of the best things I have ever eaten. I can never go back to Oscar Meyer now. Damn you Prague.
10: Trying to get 10 girls back from a bar is harder than herding cats on catnip and cocaine. They wonder, yell, talk yo every guy they pass, and are HUNGRY! Not to say that they aren't a ton of fun, but getting them home explains why I am getting paid so much to do this.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Euro trip days 1-3
Day 1
So I landed in Amsterdam and was thrown right into the mix. No rest, no naps, 23 hours of painful travel next the oldest human beings I have ever met. It was like hanging out with Larry King's grandparents. Did plenty of tourist sight seeing, followed by a pub crawl. I did my job as chaperone and stopped one silly fight. The words "my friend plays football and he will kick your ass" doesn't carry much weight in Europe. No one is afraid of footballers here.
Day 2
Woke up with a hangover which I 100% deserved. Learned how to handle train rides and took a water tour of Amsterdam. It is amazing how a beer can cure all that ales ya. Next up a 14 hour train ride. Several bottles of wine and Kinkaid gossip later, I find myself in the czek republic.
Day 3
Apparently cellphone service in Prague is not all it is made out to be. Can't get or send texts which is great for a chaperone. The city here is amazing. I figured all former USSR counties to be very grey with 0 people smiling. Well is it very grey and no one is smiling but I cannot figure out why. This city is amazing, but unfortunately I have to chaperone another pub crawl. Wish me luck
So I landed in Amsterdam and was thrown right into the mix. No rest, no naps, 23 hours of painful travel next the oldest human beings I have ever met. It was like hanging out with Larry King's grandparents. Did plenty of tourist sight seeing, followed by a pub crawl. I did my job as chaperone and stopped one silly fight. The words "my friend plays football and he will kick your ass" doesn't carry much weight in Europe. No one is afraid of footballers here.
Day 2
Woke up with a hangover which I 100% deserved. Learned how to handle train rides and took a water tour of Amsterdam. It is amazing how a beer can cure all that ales ya. Next up a 14 hour train ride. Several bottles of wine and Kinkaid gossip later, I find myself in the czek republic.
Day 3
Apparently cellphone service in Prague is not all it is made out to be. Can't get or send texts which is great for a chaperone. The city here is amazing. I figured all former USSR counties to be very grey with 0 people smiling. Well is it very grey and no one is smiling but I cannot figure out why. This city is amazing, but unfortunately I have to chaperone another pub crawl. Wish me luck
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Things I Learned From George and Melissa's Wedding
1: A 4am wakeup the day after your brother's wedding is not the cat's pajamas
2: Never challenge anyone from Georgia to a dance off. They have moves that would make a porn star blush
3: Good pitching wins whiffle ball games, bad pitching loses it.
4: I am the Stephanie Tanner of the family, but at least I don't need a laugh track...Michelle
5: If teaching doesn't work out I could have a pretty lucrative rock career
6: To follow up on number 5, it is borderline Impossible to sing the lyrics "cry of the wind, spirit of fire, heart of a lion" off of an iPhone without cracking up.
7: Powerhouse Jerry may be down but he is NEVER out!
8: Rad has a much bigger following than I gave it credit for, way to go Bill Allen, you deserve it.
9: Jim Rubenstein will eves drop on you on the toilet. So will Bo.
10: If someone is not Baptized and you give him a swirly with a priest in the room, it still counts.
11: I finally figured out what cheese puffs are
12: Ponderosa brings out the best in some, but the worst in others.
13: Closing deals is what life is all about.
2: Never challenge anyone from Georgia to a dance off. They have moves that would make a porn star blush
3: Good pitching wins whiffle ball games, bad pitching loses it.
4: I am the Stephanie Tanner of the family, but at least I don't need a laugh track...Michelle
5: If teaching doesn't work out I could have a pretty lucrative rock career
6: To follow up on number 5, it is borderline Impossible to sing the lyrics "cry of the wind, spirit of fire, heart of a lion" off of an iPhone without cracking up.
7: Powerhouse Jerry may be down but he is NEVER out!
8: Rad has a much bigger following than I gave it credit for, way to go Bill Allen, you deserve it.
9: Jim Rubenstein will eves drop on you on the toilet. So will Bo.
10: If someone is not Baptized and you give him a swirly with a priest in the room, it still counts.
11: I finally figured out what cheese puffs are
12: Ponderosa brings out the best in some, but the worst in others.
13: Closing deals is what life is all about.
Monday, November 8, 2010
On Hiatus
Hello friends,
I am sorry to say that until further notice I will be on hiatus. My schedule in the winter is completely consumed with wrestling and I will not have the proper time to maintain my blog to my standards. If I do have any free time I will make updates, but until further notice I will be taking a sabbatical. I am very sorry and I hope that this can make up for my short coming:
and this
and this
I am sorry to say that until further notice I will be on hiatus. My schedule in the winter is completely consumed with wrestling and I will not have the proper time to maintain my blog to my standards. If I do have any free time I will make updates, but until further notice I will be taking a sabbatical. I am very sorry and I hope that this can make up for my short coming:
and this
and this
Monday, November 1, 2010
Weekly Rant # 10
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF??? AIRPORT SECURITY!!! Now this has been something that has been bugging me for a while, and now it's time to take action. I understand that we have to keep our people safe from terrorism attacks, but airport security is insane. First of all, let's talk about the people who run the security checks. I wouldn't trust these idiots to protect a Wal-Mart much less an airport. They are either 177 years old or they look and act like an escaped mental patient. How are we giving these "people" power? Also, what about me screams terrorist? I know that we live in a society where we cannot profile people, but come on...me??? Let's take a look at the shoe bomber:
What about this guy doesn't scream terrorist??? He has a crazy terrorist beard, crazy terrorist eyes, and oh yeah he tried to blow himself up by lighting his shoe on fire. How does this guy not get stopped and I ALWAYS get the "random check"? On that note, what kind of an asshole tries to blow up his shoe, thanks to him I now have to remove my shoes every time I go through security. Thats BS!!! There has been one failed attempt to blowing up a shoe, and now that is our biggest concern? Finally the list of things that can be brought on to an airplane I think is now around 5 things. Everything else is now banned, shampoo, finger nail clippers, shoe bombs...I mean we are losing all of our freedoms here. Remember the days when you could smoke on planes??? Well I don't but some of you might, now if someone pulls out a lighter, they will have a sky marshall foot so far up their ass, that they could untie his shoes with their tongue. Now I understand that terrorism is a real threat and I am happy that I am being kept safe, but I guarantee that Old Man Rivers working the XRAY machine is not the one keeping my plane from blowing up. Keep me safe, but let me keep my bottle of water on the plane because, I'M SICK OF IT!!!!
What about this guy doesn't scream terrorist??? He has a crazy terrorist beard, crazy terrorist eyes, and oh yeah he tried to blow himself up by lighting his shoe on fire. How does this guy not get stopped and I ALWAYS get the "random check"? On that note, what kind of an asshole tries to blow up his shoe, thanks to him I now have to remove my shoes every time I go through security. Thats BS!!! There has been one failed attempt to blowing up a shoe, and now that is our biggest concern? Finally the list of things that can be brought on to an airplane I think is now around 5 things. Everything else is now banned, shampoo, finger nail clippers, shoe bombs...I mean we are losing all of our freedoms here. Remember the days when you could smoke on planes??? Well I don't but some of you might, now if someone pulls out a lighter, they will have a sky marshall foot so far up their ass, that they could untie his shoes with their tongue. Now I understand that terrorism is a real threat and I am happy that I am being kept safe, but I guarantee that Old Man Rivers working the XRAY machine is not the one keeping my plane from blowing up. Keep me safe, but let me keep my bottle of water on the plane because, I'M SICK OF IT!!!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday Throw Down 6
Who would win in a battle royale fight to the death?
Freddy
Jason
The Predator
Chucky
Michael Myers
The Leprechaun
Alien
Dr. Hannibal Lecter
Mark Summers
Freddy
Jason
The Predator
Chucky
Michael Myers
The Leprechaun
Alien
Dr. Hannibal Lecter
Mark Summers
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wednesday Worst # 10
WORST SOCCER FLOPPERS EVER
These people are the reason that I do not fully respect the sport of soccer. This kind of pansy like behavior happens way too ofter (I'm talking to you Uganda), and it is an embarrassment to an all-around great sport. Anyone who flops should get a red card and have his legs broken to show what it really feels like to get hurt. This is why floppers should be punished more severely:
http://www.nowpublic.com/strange/goran-tunjic-soccer-player-gets-yellow-card-dying-field-2613740.html
These people are the reason that I do not fully respect the sport of soccer. This kind of pansy like behavior happens way too ofter (I'm talking to you Uganda), and it is an embarrassment to an all-around great sport. Anyone who flops should get a red card and have his legs broken to show what it really feels like to get hurt. This is why floppers should be punished more severely:
http://www.nowpublic.com/strange/goran-tunjic-soccer-player-gets-yellow-card-dying-field-2613740.html
Monday, October 25, 2010
Weekly Rant # 9
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF??? Inflatable Halloween and Christmas decorations!!! I know that Americans are by genetics lazy, but come on. Decorating your house for Halloween and Christmas is supposed to be fun and hard work, and there is nothing about plugging in a giant inflatable cat or snow globe that takes even a smidget of hard work or creativity. Lazy and uncreative Americans have found a way to mass produce and Walmart-ize house decorations, and it is just annoying. My neighbors have a giant inflatable ghost in their front yard and all it does is create too much light, make too much noise, and make their house look gaudy. It pains me to see a house that goes all out with spider webs, ghosts, witches, etc right next to a lazy ass giant skull. I would take personal offense if I put in all the effort to make my house look good, and all you use is an extension cord. Now I do not condone vandalism or anything illegal, but it is awesome when people take a knife to these abominations. Nothing makes me laugh harder than a deflated ghost because some freedom loving Halloween aficionado (or punk teenager) has decided to show their disgust and put an end to good ole inflatable Casper. People need to stop buying these lazy pieces of junk (or they just might get popped, wink, wink), and decorate their houses with the same gusto that Halloween deserves because I'M SICK OF IT!!!!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday Countdown # 8: The Top 13 Ugliest Chicks in Movies
# 13 Two Weeks
I know that in the movie, this is Arnold in drag, but this woman is nasty looking. The turkey neck coupled with her awesomely red hair makes her a sight to behold. When I was younger, this scene used to scare the crap out of me for some reason, and is probably one of the reasons that I do not fully trust gingers. You never know, they could all just be Arnold in disguise.
# 12 What is That? Is That A Hammerhead Shark/Sewer Rat Hybrid?
I know that some of my younger friends are going to raise hell for this one, but let me be frank, TAYLOR SWIFT IS NOT HOT! In fact I find her to be quite ugly. The title pretty much sums it up, she looks like a cross between a sewer rat and a hammerhead shark. Her eyes are so damn far apart that you could punch her square in the face and not give her a black eye. Also her lips are pursed like she is constantly gnawing on a lemon or Sour Atomic Warhead. If you are into that kind of thing, fine, to each his own, but count me out. I do think that she would kick some serious ass in a game of Marco Polo with her full 360 degrees of under water visibility.
# 11 Thank God She Dies
Now Mrs. Sturak is only in the movie for about ten minutes, but she makes a serious impact. She s the quintessential ugly old chick with her poofy white hair, gross smoker's yellow teeth, and a voice that sound like someone has a bullfrog in a choke hold. Not to mention that she is a total jerk to all of the kids. It is usually not cool when old people die, but she really had it coming. Good riddance.
# 10 I'm Cheating but Still Ugly
Ok so technically Ms Doubtfire is not a woman, but I would be remised if I did not include "it" on the list. Robin Williams is ugly, but Robin Williams in old lady drag is almost unspeakable. Now I decided to use a re-cut trailer of the movie that makes it look like a horror film to help express the true terror that is Robin Williams in gross old lady drag.
*Honorable Mention*
Thanks for Everything
I decided that I would only allow one drag queen on the list, but it would be plain wrong of me if I did not even mention the cast of To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar. Wesley Snipes, John Leguizamo, and the late Patrick Swayze all in drag. Wow they make some ugly women.
# 9 One Hell of a Makeover
Charlize Theron is smoking hot, even when she is playing a mentally retarded english chick on Arrested Development. That is why this ugly chick is so damn impressive. They went from offensively attractive Charlize Theron to crack whore look-a-like. That must have been some serious make up work, and damn them for doing it. Sure it nabbed her an Oscar, but at what cost Charlize, at what cost?
# 8 Surprise, Surprise, Another Ginger
Man, every movie that Molly Ringwall is made 125% grosser just because she is in it. She is a whinny, toothy, awkward brat and I cannot stand her. Only in the 80s can a ginger this gross find so much fame and fortune. Luckily once the logical 90s rolled around, we dropped her like a gross ginger girlfriend. The sad thing is, she is the only chick in the "Brat Pack", and those guys wouldn't touch her with a 20 foot pole.
# 7 The Romanovian Rose
Hell yeah, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat Bar. There are fewer things hotter than the Princess Leia buns mixed with an Englishman's teeth and Eugene Levy's eyebrows. Man not only is this chick gross, but she is also beefy as hell. She is the most dangerous woman in the world with a dodgeball, and to look at.
# 6 Look Who Made the List Again
I hate to repeat myself, but holy hell Large Marge is ugly. You know that you are a looker when you have the word large in your name. She has the sex appeal of a lesbian lumberjack and a matching jacket to complete the set. However, this version of Large Marge is a beauty pageant winner compared to her deformed ghost face. Not even a face that a mother could love.
# 5 Do You Believe in Magic
Now Emma Thompson is not exactly a looker, but the make up treatment that she got in Nanny McPhee makes her look like a train wreck (if that train was filled with cadavers). She has the nose of Ernest Borgnine, the teeth of Donkey from Shrek, and the physique of Danny DeVitto. That is a combo from hell, and Nanny McPhee pull it off in strides.
# 4 Oh That's What's Eating Gilbert Grape
I am not going to say anything, but wow.
# 3 A Lot of Night Games
Marla Hooch is definitely the most likable person on the list, but my God she is ugly. She has a chin that could be used to cut roast beef, and a voice so deep that it rivals James Earl Jones'. You know you are ugly when your looks are a running joke in the movie. Not to mention that you are staring in a movie with Rosie O'Donnell and her looks are NEVER brought up, not even once. Thats got to be a shot to your ego...
# 2 I Wouldn't Put This Oil On My Salad
The character of Olive Oil is one of the most hideous cartoon character's ever drawn (coming in 2nd only to South Park's rendition of Snookie). If I was a woman and someone approached me about playing Olive Oil in a live adaptation of Popeye, I would slap them in the face and then kill myself. The sad thing is, Shelly Duvall pulls it off so damn well. I feel so bad for her, and hate her at the same time.
# 1 This Is What Happens When You Breed a Human With a Bulldog
Words cannot begin to describe how ugly this woman is. Anne Ramsey who starred in both Throw Mama From the Train and Goonies, makes you cringe every time she is on the screen. She has the jowls of a very well groomed english bulldog and the voice of a 80 year old man who smokes three cartons a day. I love this woman because you can use her as an example:
"Man that chick was ugly, now she wasn't "the mom from the Goonies" ugly, but she is ugly".
I know that in the movie, this is Arnold in drag, but this woman is nasty looking. The turkey neck coupled with her awesomely red hair makes her a sight to behold. When I was younger, this scene used to scare the crap out of me for some reason, and is probably one of the reasons that I do not fully trust gingers. You never know, they could all just be Arnold in disguise.
# 12 What is That? Is That A Hammerhead Shark/Sewer Rat Hybrid?
I know that some of my younger friends are going to raise hell for this one, but let me be frank, TAYLOR SWIFT IS NOT HOT! In fact I find her to be quite ugly. The title pretty much sums it up, she looks like a cross between a sewer rat and a hammerhead shark. Her eyes are so damn far apart that you could punch her square in the face and not give her a black eye. Also her lips are pursed like she is constantly gnawing on a lemon or Sour Atomic Warhead. If you are into that kind of thing, fine, to each his own, but count me out. I do think that she would kick some serious ass in a game of Marco Polo with her full 360 degrees of under water visibility.
# 11 Thank God She Dies
Now Mrs. Sturak is only in the movie for about ten minutes, but she makes a serious impact. She s the quintessential ugly old chick with her poofy white hair, gross smoker's yellow teeth, and a voice that sound like someone has a bullfrog in a choke hold. Not to mention that she is a total jerk to all of the kids. It is usually not cool when old people die, but she really had it coming. Good riddance.
# 10 I'm Cheating but Still Ugly
Ok so technically Ms Doubtfire is not a woman, but I would be remised if I did not include "it" on the list. Robin Williams is ugly, but Robin Williams in old lady drag is almost unspeakable. Now I decided to use a re-cut trailer of the movie that makes it look like a horror film to help express the true terror that is Robin Williams in gross old lady drag.
*Honorable Mention*
Thanks for Everything
I decided that I would only allow one drag queen on the list, but it would be plain wrong of me if I did not even mention the cast of To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar. Wesley Snipes, John Leguizamo, and the late Patrick Swayze all in drag. Wow they make some ugly women.
# 9 One Hell of a Makeover
Charlize Theron is smoking hot, even when she is playing a mentally retarded english chick on Arrested Development. That is why this ugly chick is so damn impressive. They went from offensively attractive Charlize Theron to crack whore look-a-like. That must have been some serious make up work, and damn them for doing it. Sure it nabbed her an Oscar, but at what cost Charlize, at what cost?
# 8 Surprise, Surprise, Another Ginger
Man, every movie that Molly Ringwall is made 125% grosser just because she is in it. She is a whinny, toothy, awkward brat and I cannot stand her. Only in the 80s can a ginger this gross find so much fame and fortune. Luckily once the logical 90s rolled around, we dropped her like a gross ginger girlfriend. The sad thing is, she is the only chick in the "Brat Pack", and those guys wouldn't touch her with a 20 foot pole.
# 7 The Romanovian Rose
Hell yeah, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat Bar. There are fewer things hotter than the Princess Leia buns mixed with an Englishman's teeth and Eugene Levy's eyebrows. Man not only is this chick gross, but she is also beefy as hell. She is the most dangerous woman in the world with a dodgeball, and to look at.
# 6 Look Who Made the List Again
I hate to repeat myself, but holy hell Large Marge is ugly. You know that you are a looker when you have the word large in your name. She has the sex appeal of a lesbian lumberjack and a matching jacket to complete the set. However, this version of Large Marge is a beauty pageant winner compared to her deformed ghost face. Not even a face that a mother could love.
# 5 Do You Believe in Magic
Now Emma Thompson is not exactly a looker, but the make up treatment that she got in Nanny McPhee makes her look like a train wreck (if that train was filled with cadavers). She has the nose of Ernest Borgnine, the teeth of Donkey from Shrek, and the physique of Danny DeVitto. That is a combo from hell, and Nanny McPhee pull it off in strides.
# 4 Oh That's What's Eating Gilbert Grape
I am not going to say anything, but wow.
# 3 A Lot of Night Games
Marla Hooch is definitely the most likable person on the list, but my God she is ugly. She has a chin that could be used to cut roast beef, and a voice so deep that it rivals James Earl Jones'. You know you are ugly when your looks are a running joke in the movie. Not to mention that you are staring in a movie with Rosie O'Donnell and her looks are NEVER brought up, not even once. Thats got to be a shot to your ego...
# 2 I Wouldn't Put This Oil On My Salad
The character of Olive Oil is one of the most hideous cartoon character's ever drawn (coming in 2nd only to South Park's rendition of Snookie). If I was a woman and someone approached me about playing Olive Oil in a live adaptation of Popeye, I would slap them in the face and then kill myself. The sad thing is, Shelly Duvall pulls it off so damn well. I feel so bad for her, and hate her at the same time.
# 1 This Is What Happens When You Breed a Human With a Bulldog
Words cannot begin to describe how ugly this woman is. Anne Ramsey who starred in both Throw Mama From the Train and Goonies, makes you cringe every time she is on the screen. She has the jowls of a very well groomed english bulldog and the voice of a 80 year old man who smokes three cartons a day. I love this woman because you can use her as an example:
"Man that chick was ugly, now she wasn't "the mom from the Goonies" ugly, but she is ugly".
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Thursday Throw Down 5
GENERIC 90s ROCK BAND BATTLE ROYALE
vs.
Third Eye Blind
vs.
The Goo Goo Dolls
vs.
Match Box 20
vs.
Sugar Ray
vs.
Smash Mouth
vs.
*LATE EDITION!!!*
Hootie and the Blow Fish
Ok everyone please vote on the poll who you think would win in a free-for-all Battle Royale to the death.
The 90's was an awesome decade for mediocre music, and nothing was more mediocre than rock music in the 90's. I have decided to change the Thursday Throw Down a bit and allow you to vote on who you think would win in a 90s Rock Band Battle Royale. Each week, there will be a new Battle Royale that you can vote on. Enjoy:
The Wallflowers
vs.
Third Eye Blind
vs.
The Goo Goo Dolls
vs.
Match Box 20
vs.
Sugar Ray
vs.
Smash Mouth
vs.
*LATE EDITION!!!*
Hootie and the Blow Fish
Ok everyone please vote on the poll who you think would win in a free-for-all Battle Royale to the death.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday Worst # 9
WORST PSA EVER!!!
The reason that this is so bad is because of how serious it is taking itself. I mean come on, this is Pee Wee Herman talking about crack. I am not saying that he shouldn't speak out about drugs, but something this serious is funny because it is Pee Wee Herman with a straight face talking about crack. This actually makes me want to try crack...too bad you don't know how much it takes to kill you. Shame.
The reason that this is so bad is because of how serious it is taking itself. I mean come on, this is Pee Wee Herman talking about crack. I am not saying that he shouldn't speak out about drugs, but something this serious is funny because it is Pee Wee Herman with a straight face talking about crack. This actually makes me want to try crack...too bad you don't know how much it takes to kill you. Shame.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
People Ninjas Should Assassinate #7
DANCING WITH THE STARS
Now I am very aware that Dancing With the Stars is not a person, but everyone involved and anyone who supports this needs to be assassinated. I understand that I do have friends and colleagues who watch the show, so maybe fans shouldn't be murdered, but they should be maimed at the least. First of all these people ate not "stars". All they are are B-C level celebrities and athletes are WAY over the hill. There isn't even an inkling of a star on the entire TV show. Also, they are doing something that ANYONE can do, what is next "Walking With the Stars", "Shitting With the Stars", or "Eating With the Stars"? I have the same gripe with American Idol, but I will save that for another time Anyone who watches, stars, or is involved in making this garbage deserve to have this happen to them:
Now I am very aware that Dancing With the Stars is not a person, but everyone involved and anyone who supports this needs to be assassinated. I understand that I do have friends and colleagues who watch the show, so maybe fans shouldn't be murdered, but they should be maimed at the least. First of all these people ate not "stars". All they are are B-C level celebrities and athletes are WAY over the hill. There isn't even an inkling of a star on the entire TV show. Also, they are doing something that ANYONE can do, what is next "Walking With the Stars", "Shitting With the Stars", or "Eating With the Stars"? I have the same gripe with American Idol, but I will save that for another time Anyone who watches, stars, or is involved in making this garbage deserve to have this happen to them:
Monday, October 18, 2010
Weekly Rant # 8
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF??? Shitty and inconsiderate drivers. This has gotten out of hand, and someone needs to do something about it. Here is an example. On Saturday, I was driving on the freeway and there was an accident in the middle lane. Traffic was moving, but very slowly. Out of my rearview mirror I saw a little compact car take off down the shoulder at very unsafe speeds. They passed some 20 cars and then tried to cut me off. I was not going to allow this bitch to get away with this so I moved my truck forward, did this stop her...NO! She still tried to get in front of my risking doing damage to both our cars. When I laid on my horn ever so nicely, she put her car in park, and got out like she was going to try and fight me. Now understand, I would NEVER lay my hand on a woman, EVER, but when she started walking towards my truck screaming at me the only thing that went through my mind is, I can seriously mess this crazy bitch up. Needless to say I gave her an unwavering stare, followed by my favorite finger. She got in her car, cut across two more lanes and sped off. Now where is this long winded story going? I understand that people are shitty and inconsiderate drivers, its nature, but where have our manners gone. If this crazy lady had just given me an "I'm sorry" wave, it would not have been a problem, but she didn't. What has this world come to, that people don't even give the friendly wave any more? That is outrageous that common courtesy has flown out the window and been replaced with childish behavior. I know that this rant is not necessarily very funny, but it is bugging the absolute shit out of me. People need to start their fellow man with common courtesy, or at least give a friendly wave. How fucking hard is it to extend one hand and move to to and fro? I understand if you are paralyzed or had a stroke...thats fine, you have a medical excuse. The rest of you assholes better start because I'M SICK OF IT!!!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday Worst # 8
Oh Hai Mark!
After seeing Troll 2, I thought that I had seen the worst that the silver screen had to offer. That was until two very good friends of mine turned me on to "The Room". A film that was written, produced, directed, and acted by a man who I swear to God english has to be his 6th or 7th language. He kind of reminds me of the giant bug from Men in Black who tries to act human. This man has absolutely no understanding of the english language, and yet he claims to be from Louisiana. I cannot figure it out, but after you watch this clip, you will be hooked on the worst movie ever made.
After seeing Troll 2, I thought that I had seen the worst that the silver screen had to offer. That was until two very good friends of mine turned me on to "The Room". A film that was written, produced, directed, and acted by a man who I swear to God english has to be his 6th or 7th language. He kind of reminds me of the giant bug from Men in Black who tries to act human. This man has absolutely no understanding of the english language, and yet he claims to be from Louisiana. I cannot figure it out, but after you watch this clip, you will be hooked on the worst movie ever made.
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