Friday Countdown # 6: The Top 13 People Who Really Got Their Comeuppance

# 13 Wink Wink

John Voight's character in Anaconda is a classic B movie villain.  His greed gets almost everyone killed, and his acting is so over the top, you can't help but love him.  However, after Owen Wilson gets all eated up, you know that Voight is gonna get his, and oh boy does he.  He dies in almost the exact same way as the rest of the characters, but his post regurgitation wink really sets him apart.  His comeuppance was a bit...cold blooded...wink wink.

# 12 No Wonder You're Extinct

I wish that I could find the whole scene, but alas I cannot.  Dennis Nedry, the annoyingly fat turncoat of Jurassic Park really takes it in the face in this scene.  His comeuppance comes multiple times in this awesome scene.  His fat ass falls down (which is awesome), he gets acid spit in his eyes, he bangs his head on the car, and then he gets savagely eaten.  "Ahahah, you didn't say the magic word", is the magic word comeuppance times three?

# 11 A Dinner Guest



(skip to about 6 minutes)
Dr. Chilton was such a smug asshole in Silence of the Lambs, and you hope that he gets what is coming to him.  This is one of the rare cases when one of the "good guys" really deserves a terrible fate and boy does he get one.  Although it happens off screen, you have a pretty good idea what is going to happen to the Dr. who spent years tormenting and fucking with Hannibal Lecter.  Dinner is served, and it is a big steaming plate of your liver with a side of comeuppance!

# 10 A Whole Freaking Clip

Nina Meyers of 24 is such a bitch.  She betrays CTU, kills Jack Bauer's wife, and worst of all she evades her comeuppance for three whole seasons.  She is a nasty, mean traitor who will kill anyone she has to in order to survive.  You hate her so much and every time she escapes you hate her even more, but even the devil can't outrun fate.  When Jack finally corners her, he empties an entire clip of comeuppance into her chest and face.

# 9 Thank You Chuck Norris

White Goodman is a top of the line piece of shit.  He does everything in his power to make sure that the Mom and Pop "rival" gym goes under.  I mean who does that?  Everything he does is so insanely sleazy that it makes you feel a bit dirty watching him.  You know that the good guys are going to win and with a little help from Chuck Norris they do.  White Goodman gets his morbidly obese comeuppance Walker, Texas Ranger style.

# 8 You Know Who I Am and You Know What I'm Gonna Do

His name is Inigo Montoya, you killed his father, prepare to die.  You hear him say his "catch phrase" so many times that it becomes annoying and you cannot wait for him to find the man with six fingers and make him pay.  When they finally meet up, Inigo takes a knife to the stomach but does that stop him...hell no.  He has been training and hunting for years for the chance to give the deformed Christopher Guest some cold steel, and he does.  He gets his comeuppance broken record style.

# 7 Consider This a Divorce

Sharon Stone was so hot in Total Recall that you knew she would end up bad, and no surprise, she does.  The plot is so hard to follow that it is not worth getting into, but she is Aronld's fake wife who is working for an evil corporation, and she tries to kill him...strange.  Any ways she kicks Arnold in the nuts and right then and there, you know she is going to get it.  Divorce via bullet to the dome, thats comeuppance OJ style.

# 6 No What You Have Are Bullets

V for Vendetta is a great flick about people getting what is coming to them.  Masked vigilante V goes on a killing spree, knocking off everyone who wronged him (in a big way).  When the last two assholes are lined up for the kill, he goes to town.  He even tells the antagonist Creedy how he is going to kill him, and it is a lot more graphic than expected.  "This will end with my hands around your throat", comeuppance via foreshadowing.

# 5 I Will Have My Vengeance In This Life or the Next

Oh man Commodus is such a sniveling piece of shit, you wait the entire movie for him to just fucking die.  He does everything to warrant the worst possible death including trying to kill Maximus, killing Maximus' family, mocking his dead family, etc.  What a spoiled little shit, and he really gets it bad.  A knife made of comeuppance stabbed sloooooooowly into his neck.

# 4 Comeuppance Up the Wazoo

This one is fantastic and comes out of nowhere.  Zed and the pawn shop owner are such minor characters in the film, but they have such a huge impact, you want the worst possible thing ever to happen to them.  This is hands down the most ruthless comeuppance on the list (a shotgun blast to the balls), but it is still not the most deserving.  Marcelles Wallace is going to have some heavy pipe hitting comeuppance come and destroy his rapist ass!

# 3 The Deadly Viper Squad

It takes a cold mother fucker to beat up and shoot a pregnant woman in the head during her wedding rehearsal, and anyone who pulls this off deserves the worst comeuppance of all time.  When The Bride wakes up she does just that, stopping at nothing, and delivering all members of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad her own form of justice.  A knife to the chest, an eye removal, a super scalping, and an exploding heart prove that hell hath no fury like a trained deadly assassin woman scorned.  Comeuppance times 4.

# 2 A Fiery Car Crash

This one makes number two because not only is it a great example of karma going to get you, but this takes it to a whole new level.  The O'Doyle family of Billy Maddison is a family of ginger bullies (kind of a strange combo) that haunt Billy from grades 1-12.  They are not that bad of people, really your run of the mill general bullies, but kids are taught a very important lesson.  If you EVER bully another child, your car will fly off a cliff and you will DIE!  Comeuppance to the XTREME!!!

# 1 I Want It Now

Oh my fucking God you hate this bitch from the first second you see her.  She is the most awful spoiled brat in the entire world and one the first kid gets knocked off, you cannot wait for this spoiled twat to get whats coming to her.  Everything about her is loathsome, and although her (hopeful) death happens off screen, you stand up and cheer you ass.  She gets her comeuppance children's film style, and no one deserves to die more!

Wednesday Worst # 6

Today we will have a double feature!!! I have seen the worst that the Internet has to offer and I have survived them all. 2 Girls 1 Cup, child's play; The Pain Olympics, pshhh its for amateurs; Mr Hands, bush league; 1 Guy 1 Jar, although it is visibly tough to watch, I can survive.  Here are two videos that are so incredibly painful that I have yet to be able to finish either.  Enjoy if you dare:

PARTY IN THE UGA


Every college student has hated both orientation and their orientation leader because they are so saccharine and full of fake positivity.  I want to congratulate the University of Georgia for taking the God awful experience that is orientation to the next level of suck.  Way to go Dawgs!

THE WORST INTERVIEW EVER

This is the perfect example why kids should not be home schooled.  This kid has the social skill of a communist toddler who has never tasted freedom.  He is so awkward and terrible that he should be euthanized on the spot to save him from a lifetime of ridicule and an overwhelming virginity.  The sad part is that it is all his creepy parent's fault.

People Ninjas Should Assassinate #5

The Westboro Baptist Church

Not to get too political or express my views on religion rights in the US, but these people are just pieces of shit. They protest the funerals of dead soldiers, homosexuals, and celebrities.  They have signs like "Thank God for 9/11", "Thank God for IEDs", "Thank God for Dead Soldies", etc.
Their web sites:
www.godhatesfags.com
www.godhatesamerica.com
and for some reason www.godhatessweeden.com
should give you a good idea of how these pieces of shit feel.  They deserve to have all of  this happen to them:

Weekly Rant # 6

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF??? MYTHBUSTERS!  I am so damn sick of this show, and the elitist attitude people get by watching this garbage.  I cannot tell you how many times I have been having a conversation about anything cool and someone says "No, no, no they proved that wrong on Mythbusters!"I fucking hate that!  Keep your opinion to yourself!  I am having a conversation and you basically call me a liar to my face.  Guess what, those fucking dorks on Mythbusters are not the end all to myths.  Just because they can't prove something or disprove it doesn't mean that it isn't true.  I am not going to listen to a fucking tool with a walrus mustache and a barrette.  What the hell is that all about, he actually looks like a gay walrus.  Not to mention, that they are the most pompous and arrogant people on television.  They literally remind me of the South Park episode where everyone in San Francisco likes the smell of their own farts.  Mythbusters sucks, people who use Mythbusters to justify their own lack of knowledge suck, and anyone who wears a barrette sucks.  I hate this show and I hate their fan base, people need to find out thing for themselves and stop listening to these jack offs because I'M SICK OF IT!!!