Friday Countdown # 7: The Top 13 Creepiest People Ever

# 13 The Whole World in His Hands

Man Steve Buschemi is already creepy enough, but when you make him a mass murderer, game over.  There is something so unsettling about his laid back, monotone attitude, and I am pretty sure they he doesn't blink.  Why won't he blink?  In the scene with the little girl I was 100% convinced that he was going to eat/rape her.  You know you are creepy when rape and cannibalism pop into my head that easily.

# 12 The Man With No Face

This is an example of someone who is not intentionally creepy, but he is none the less.  I have had some major issues with my neighbors, but I thank my lucky stars that I do not have Wilson living next door to me.  He is always peering over his neighbor's fence and dispensing advice.  This guy has taken stalker to the whole new level.  There is not a doubt in my mind that the soft spoken wilson has the bones of hundreds of little girls buried in his basement.  Worst of all, you could never pick him out of a line up.

# 11 ps I'm Horny

Wow there are fewer things more wrong than a teacher hooking up with a student, but this takes it to a whole new level of creepy.  The over weight, ex-pro wrestler turned principal who wants to have his way with Billy, is so damn off putting.  His creepily well done valentine, followed by his awful "come hither" wave sends a chill down my spine.

#10 Call it Friendo

A lot of times creepy can be very funny, this is NOT one of those times.  Anton Chigur is one of the best characters in recent history, and he is insanely creepy.  He doesn't care who he kills or how he does it.  When he walks into a room, you know that someone is going to die, and he is not even going to break a sweat or shed a tear for the fallen.  His kills range from Mexican drug lords to a hotel manager with a kitty cat.  Not to mention he rocks the Bieber haircut, man that shit is creepy.

# 9 Are You a Man or a Woman?

Wow, what the hell is this thing.  Everything about Pat is overwhelmingly creepy, it's voice, outfit, and especially its F.U.P.A make it an oddity to behold.  Although It't Pat is a terrible movie, I cannot look away because something about Pat is hypnotizing.  Pat is weird enough, but when you ad Pat's girl/boyfriend Chris, Kathy Griffin, and a cameo by the band Ween, you have awkward creepy gold.

# 8 Is That Your Face?

The story of Rocky Dennis is a touching one.  A boy with a deformed face and a heart of gold tries to fit in, but the harsh reality of society makes it blah blah blah.  Look at this kid's face, I mean holy shit it is the most deformed thing I have seen since Kuato came out of that guy's stomach in total recall.  I don't want to be mean, but you could land an F-15 on his forehead.  His head is so massive that it couldn't even fit in Condoleezza Rice's tooth gap.  Also, he looks oddly like Carrot Top, creepy!

# 7 Creepy Actor # 1

Holy shit Willem Dafoe is beyond creepy.  Everything he does makes me feel uncomfortable, ranging from his creepily campy Green Goblin to his creepily horrible fake Mexican accent in Once Upon a Time in Mexico.  I think his creepiness comes from the fact that his mouth is waaaay too big and it makes the wrinkles on his face look like some sort of talking long haired scrotum.  That might not be the case, but he is still one of the creepiest non-fictional humans alive.

# 6 I Know You Are But What Am I

In a horror flick, a great way to get cheep scares is by using creepy children.  In a comedy a great way to get unintentional scares is with a creepy man child.  There is something very wrong with Pee Wee Herman.  You never know exactly how old he is, but one thing is for certain...he is way too old to have that many toys and behave the way that he does.  If Michael Jackson became a fictional character, he would most likely be Pee Wee Herman (minus the child molestation...ok maybe not minus the child molestation).

# 5 To the Light Carolann!!!

Poltergeist is a very creepy movie.  It has everything, a creepy kid, creepy ghosts, and a creepy killer clown doll, but all those pale in comparison to the character of Tangia.  When this creepy high pitched midget looking thing walks onto the screen, I piss my self and start crying.  Just listen to her talk, it is the most god awful, creepy sounding voice on the planet. I shutter just thinking about her.

ps  Imaging having to sleep with this woman and try not to laugh.

# 4 Creepy Actor # 2

Christopher Walken is one of my favorite people of all time, but there is no denying that he is the creepiest human being alive today.  The way that he talks makes everything that comes out of his mouth extremely creepy, in a hilarious way.  Ha can take the simplest thing like reading a children's book and make it terrifying.  I would pay an unlimited amount of money to see someone re-make the movie Face-Off and replace John Travolta and Nick Cage with Christopher Walken and Willem Dafoe.  That would be incredible.

# 3 Is He Doing A Mangina Dance While Wearing a Suit Made Out of the Skin of Dead Fat Girls?

Again, creepy can be very funny, but in the case of Buffalo Bill, it is not.  He is a serial killer who keeps fat girls in his basement so he can kill them, skin them, and make a suit out of their skin so he can be a woman.  His infamous "Mangina Dance" (which I cannot show) is one of the most unsettling visions of all time, and has ruined the song "Goodbye Horses" for all of eternity.

# 2 The Creepiest Family of All Time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCg4C04MY5s&feature=channel


(Sorry video 2 is on spanish)
For those of you who do not watch "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" (start), you might not know who the McPoyles are.  Forget the Manson family, people are seriously messed up.  The main two McPoyles are Ryan and Liam who are always rocking robes with "tighty whities"; they are always overly sweaty; they drink way too much milk; and oh yeah they have sex with each other.  Once you throw in their mute/unibrowed sister Margret, you have a creepy trio that knows no match.  You don't meet the full family until season 4 (the group in the RV), and let me tell you, they only get creepier.  There has to be some serious incest  in this family because normal people do not create that caliber of creepy human beings on the reg.

# 1 Jonathan?

Salad Fingers is the inspiration behind making this list.  Usually when I come up with a list, I get a whole lot of people in mind and create a list.  Not this time, I started with # 1 and worked down in creepiness.  I cannot even begin to describe how creepy and disturbing these videos are.  Salad Fingers is one of those things that you cannot forget, no matter how much you try.  Any time you are alone and you get the feeling you are being watched, you probably are...by Salad Fingers.  Any time a noise wakes you up in the middle of the night...it's Salad Fingers.  Any time your keys, glasses, or most importantly rust spoons go missing...don't worry it's Salad Fingers.  Salad Fingers is one of those things that you cannot forget, no matter how much you try.

Wednesday Worst # 7

THE WORST LAUGH IN THE WORLD

This guy's laugh sounds like someone is torturing a baby and kicking roosters at the exact same time.  Amazing.

People Ninjas Should Assassinate #6

Lindsay Lohan

I am so absolutely sick of this non-talented bitch running around and taking up head lines.  Guess what, she is a stuck up whore with a coke problem.  Who gives a shit, someone needs to do this to her:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfdEqeyBzIY

Weekly Rant # 7

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF???  LOCKER ROOM GUYS!!!  Why in the hell do older men think it is ok to walk around the locker room completely naked.  Now I am not a prude or anything, but here is nothing worse than walking in a locker room seeing a senior citizen completely naked and having to hold a conversation with him.  This is not ok at all.  Naked people are already awkward, but old naked people are just the absolute worst.  Why do they find the need to ruin your day with their old balls?  It is gross, don't they know this?  Have you ever tried to have a meal in the locker room of a country club and try to stomach a sandwich with old white guys walking and sitting around naked reading the Chronicle?  It is impossible!  Old men need to wrap a towel around their old man parts because no one wants to look at it, and I'M SICK OF IT!!!