Friday Countdown # 5: The Top 13 Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen Moments in Movies

*WARNING* this countdown will contain a shit ton of spoilers for movies!  Sorry.


# 13 Vampire Attack in From Dusk Til Dawn



I might be alone on this one, but the first time that I saw this movie, I had no fucking idea that it was about vampires.  I though I was watching some twisted movie about two bank robbers trying to get down to Mexico, and I was duped until the vampires attacked (check out 1:50 in the video).  My jaw honestly hit the floor, and I was thrown for a total loop.  Call me stupid, but I was honestly shocked at the supped change of pace in the movie, and it kicked ass.  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  Did this movie just change from a bank heist thriller to a vampire survival horror flick in 10 seconds?

# 12 The Carwash Scene from The Crazies

Haha I love scenes like this.  It is one of those how are they going to make it out of this sticky situation; oh thank God they survived; oh wait never mind the chick gets killed.  There are a lot of scenes similar to this in a lot of movies, but this one is just so ridiculous that I had to mention it.  I mean seriously, of all the ways that "Crazy" could have killed her...just glorious.  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen? Thank you Cartter for that one, it is great.

# 11 Sloth Scene from Seven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7J02CRoYUk&feature=related
(sorry some dickhead won't let me use their video)

Seven is one of those movies that after you see it, you won't ever be the same again.  The whole movie is awesome, but the Sloth scene is by far my favorite and makes you jump and scream "Holy Fuck!"  The atmosphere and tension of the scene is amazing up until the massive jump scare when you realize that this obvious corpse is still alive.  It is almost enough to make a grown man shit himself, and it is so effectively done.  This is the only "jump scare" on the list because it is the greatest in movie history.  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  How the hell is that guy still alive?

# 10 The Death of Optimus Prime and others in Transformers: The Movie



Holy shit, I can trace the death of my childhood to the very first time that I saw this movie.  The people over at Hasboro decided that it was time to start a new toy line of Transformers so what do they do?  They decide to kill off almost every one of my favorite childhood characters including the big two Optimus Prime and Megatron.  Starting with the opening scene, the whole movie was a blood bath (actually more like a grease bath), and for a kid who did not know that cartoon characters could die...it was traumatic.  I sat helplessly with my mouth opened and tears in my eyes, as one by one they knocked off my hero's.  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  Transformers can die?  What the fuck?

ps  They tried to do the same thing in the GI Joe animated movie by killing off Duke, but they pussed out in the end and he survived.

# 9 The Opening Scene from Punisher: War Zone



Don't get me wrong, this movie is pretty shitty, but man do I love it.  After I was seriously disappointed by the 1st PG-13 Punisher movie, I didn't know what to expect from the low budget sequel.  The opening scene really helps set the tone for the movie, and it is so violent and surprising, I had to rewind it several times in order to soak it all in.  Wait, hold on...what the fuck...did that really just happen?  Did he just cut the head off of a paraplegic? For fuck's sake.

# 8 Johnny Depp's Bed from A Nightmare on Elm Street



This is hands down the most bizarre moment on the list, but it had me scratching my head asking what the fuck just happened none the less.  Here we have one of our protagonists (who we all knew was eventually going to die) lying in bed and Freddy grabs him and sucks him into the bed...weird, but what comes after that is what really gets ya.  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  How the fuck did that much blood come pouring out of the bed on to the ceiling?  Thats not how gravity works...

# 7 "I am Your Father"

This one was kind of ruined for me because I remember seeing Return of the Jedi before Empire Strikes back which kinda ruins the surprise, but it is still one of the most shocking moments in cinema history.  The main villain is the hero's father...badass.  Here is some nerd Ryan trivia for ya, this twist was so awesome that the secret was kept from even the actors until the scene was shot.  The only people who knew were Mark Hammil (Luke Skywalker) and James Earl Jones (the voice of Darth Vader).  Even the actor who physically played Darth Vader was kept in the dark until he saw the screening.  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  Has he really been trying to kill his son, daughter, and their friends?  I know that he is evil, but still, what an asshole.

# 6 Everyone Dies The Departed

This one is so gut wrenching.  You are pulling for Leo's character so badly and you fucking Matt Damon so much.  He has been through so much bullshit; he has the rat in custody; everything is going to be ok

# 5 Samuel L. Jackson's Inspirational Speech from Deep Blue Sea



This has to be one of the greatest moments in cinema history.  It rivals the shower scene from Psycho and the opening freeway crash from Final Destination 2.  Here we have the biggest actor in the movie giving an inspirational speech on how the team has to band together to defeat these genetically engineered sharks in a sinking oceanic research facility (this was an Oscars screw job for best screenplay if I've ever seen one).  "We are going to pull together and find a way to get out of here"... fuck yeah you tell 'em Samuel L!  "First we are going to seal off this..." Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  Did a giant shark really just jump up and eat the best actor in this movie?  Well it was either him or L.L Cool J, there is no way hollywood would let two black actors survive a horror movie.  I guess they made the right choice...

# 4 The Village Massacre from Rambo

Holy fuck this movie does not pull any punches.  It is violent and action packed, but nothing can prepare you for the attack scene on this helpless Cambodian village.  It is one of the only times that I have ever had my jaw actually hurt from being so aghast.  When you see the first American missionary blow up into little bloody pieces, you know it is not going to be pleasant, and after you see the first kid get shot, it's all down hill from there.  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  Did they just stab a kid with a bayonet, lift him over his head and throw him into a burning building?  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  Did they just take a baby away from a screaming mother and toss it into a fire...yes.  Yes they did


# 3 Hello Zepp


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deAkIoEe16w
(again a dickhead won't let me rip off his video)

I am a huge fan of the Saw series, not for the gore or the traps, but for the twist endings (take a note M. Night).  I now look for them in movies and I am pretty good at figuring them out, but nothing caught me off guard like the ending of the first Saw.  After they kill the guy who has been terrorizing Dr. Gordon (minus one foot)'s family, you think everything is ok until...oh fuck a tape recorder (cue the awesome Saw music)?  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...the guy who you think is the killer is not Jigsaw...(camera pans out to the dead body that has been on the ground the entire movie with a bullet in his head who stands up).   Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen...Jigsaw had been immobile and in the bathroom the whole time?  What a mind fuck.

# 2  The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled



I can say that without a doubt that this is the greatest twist ending of all time (again fuck you M. Night you hack).  Kevin Spacey does such a great job pulling you into the story, that you never for a single second see it coming.  I was unfortunate enough to see Scary Movie spoof the ending of the Usual Suspects before I saw the Usual Suspects, and the ending still shocked the shit out of me.  The look on the detective's face when he starts realizing that he (and we) had been duped is priceless.  Wait, Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?  The entire movie I just watched was an elaborate lie, and I fell for it...bravo Keyser Soze.  Bravo.

# 1 Five People, Four Bullets

Ok I lied when I said that The Departed had the most gut wrenching ending on the list.  It doesn't hold a candle to the ending of The Mist (not to be mistaken for the shitfest The Fog).  I cannot put into words how painful of an ending this is, so I will set you up like Dominos and let you fall.  The military opened a portal to a dimension that brought a mist that has covered everything and monsters are running around killing everyone.  After trying to fend for their lives against the monsters and a religious zealot in a grocery store, the main character, his young son, an elderly man, an old lady, and a young chick (the love interest because Thomas Jane's wife has already been killed by monsters) escape in a car and try to out run the mist.  The car runs out of gas, there are monsters everywhere, you have 5 people and 4 bullets, and Hold On...What the Fuck...Did That Really Just Happen?

ps the chick in the end tried to get everyone to leave with her at the very start of the film.  Ouch!

Wednesday Worst # 4

The Worst Michael Jackson Ripoff Ever

Why do Indian people think they can ripoff anything they want.  Either way I cannot decide rather this is horrible or 100% awesome.  You decide.

Tuesday's Things That Need to Make a Comeback part 3

SPORTS CARDS

I absolutely loved collecting sports cards when I was younger.  I  remember when my father would take my brothers and I to Sports Memorabilia conventions over at the George R Brown Convention center, and they kicked ass.  We would spend hours there, and always come back with something cool (albeit useless).  My older brother had the monopoly on baseball cards, I rocked out the basketball cards, and Cartter being the youngest was stuck with lame-ass hockey cards.  I know that there is not much of a market these days for the cards, but it was so much damn fun as a kid, and it is a shame that this generation may never know the joy of owing a sick ass rookie card worth a shit ton.

Weekly Rant # 4

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF?!?!?  Young kids (especially girls) who drive very expensive cars.  Now this might be a conflict of interest because of where I work, but I cannot stand seeing sub 25 year olds driving around in Lexus', BMWs, Mercedes', or any other car that is worth more than my truck.  What the fuck have these people done to deserve a fancy luxury car?  FUCKING NOTHING!  Sure they are blessed with wealthy families who have probably worked hard for their money, good for them, but they personally haven't done shit to earn a $75,000 car.  Some people might claim that I am "just jealous" or a "hater" (don't get me started on the word hater), but honestly I am not. To add to my frustration, a lot of these kids have the mindset that they deserve these flash cars.  Again, they don't, and to get back to an earlier rant, if a kid gets one because they are a "princess" or a "diva", their parents should be executed on the spot. It just sickens me that parents will spend that much money on kids who can barely even fucking drive to begin with.  There are no worse drivers than teenagers (besides women on cell phones, blind people, congenital amputees, cops, and asians), and putting them behind the wheel of a 2012 Lexus LFA is just asking for disaster.  Parents need to buck up and force their kids to earn their cars, because I'M SICK OF IT!

ps, if you are ever in public and you hear a 16-28 year old girl say "do you know who my father/daddy is", you can legally hit her with a hammer or bar stool.

Thanks Cook for the suggestion.