Saturday, June 4, 2011
Munich, the most fun city in the world...so far
I am currently in Munich and I have never seen a city that has more fun drinking and having a good time. First of all the beers here are HUGE! I'm talking about a whole liter of the most delicious beer in the world, and somehow due to German witchcraft, they never get warm. Last night We went to 2 different beer hauses and everyone was singing, laughing and having a blast. It is amazing how people this friendly could be responsible for the deaths of millions of people. On that note, the group is going to a Concentration Camp today. I opted to stay with the kids who didn't want to go because i am going with my next group and I don't want to have to visit the most depressing place in the world more than once. It will be good for the kids, and i hope they don't come back too sad to enjoy one of our girl's birthdays. It would be a shame for them to be depressed while drinking 100000000 liters of beer.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Things I learned in Prague
Prague is hands down the coolest city that I have been to so far. The city is amazing and I will have photos up when I figure out how. Now on To the good stuff.
1: For $25 American, in a Thai Message Parlor, you can...stick your feet it an aquarium full of fish and let them eat all the dead skin. It was the strangest feeling in the world, not to mention you have to do it in the window display of the busiest street in Prague. Needless to say, I made a lot of new friends.
2: Never go on a pub crawl in Prague. It is bad when the chaperone of a trip for 18 year olds is the 2nd youngest man in the bar. Also, 18 year old women do not like 45 year old Indian dudes. Whodda thunk it?
3: For every icing, there is an equal and opposite re-icing. The kids thought it was cute to Ice me in Amsterdam, but they are being picked off one by one by a very spiteful chaperone.
4: Casinos in the Czek Republic are pretty sketchy. Just to prove a point to my kids that they were getting ripped off I bet about $20 in black Jack and got waxed. Now anyone who has seen me play blackjack before knows I'm worthless at it, but this was a whole new level of awful. Damn thiefs.
5: Europe has a funny way of balancing itself out. I saw hands down the most attractive women in Prague, but at the same time I saw the ugliest human beings in the world. They made the women of state fairs look like Playboy bunnies. I'm surprised that their government let's them go outside during the day time without wearing a bee keeper suit. If you want to make millions of dollars, go to Prague and make Halloween masks out of these women's faces. Kids would have nightmares for years.
6: Skinny jeans are sadly still popular here, but at the same time so are jorts. Again Europe has balanced itself out. As lame and emberrasing as skinny jeans are, an old man wearing extremely inappropriate jorts is badass enough that I can forgive the jeans.
7: What is the deal with pizza places and argentine steak houses? Everywhere you go, this is all you can see. Now I love pizza and steak, but come on! How do these places stay in business when 90% of the resturaunts in your county sell the exact same thing? Luckily Germany is different.
8: going to the bathroom costs a lot of money. Why in the hell are they allowed to charge you .50 Euros to use the toilet? I have spent more money on expelling the food I ate, than the food itself. It's cool though, I got my revenge of the bathroom in Prague's Royal Palace.
9: Hotdogs are now ruined for me. I had a late night hot dog and it was hands down one of the best things I have ever eaten. I can never go back to Oscar Meyer now. Damn you Prague.
10: Trying to get 10 girls back from a bar is harder than herding cats on catnip and cocaine. They wonder, yell, talk yo every guy they pass, and are HUNGRY! Not to say that they aren't a ton of fun, but getting them home explains why I am getting paid so much to do this.
1: For $25 American, in a Thai Message Parlor, you can...stick your feet it an aquarium full of fish and let them eat all the dead skin. It was the strangest feeling in the world, not to mention you have to do it in the window display of the busiest street in Prague. Needless to say, I made a lot of new friends.
2: Never go on a pub crawl in Prague. It is bad when the chaperone of a trip for 18 year olds is the 2nd youngest man in the bar. Also, 18 year old women do not like 45 year old Indian dudes. Whodda thunk it?
3: For every icing, there is an equal and opposite re-icing. The kids thought it was cute to Ice me in Amsterdam, but they are being picked off one by one by a very spiteful chaperone.
4: Casinos in the Czek Republic are pretty sketchy. Just to prove a point to my kids that they were getting ripped off I bet about $20 in black Jack and got waxed. Now anyone who has seen me play blackjack before knows I'm worthless at it, but this was a whole new level of awful. Damn thiefs.
5: Europe has a funny way of balancing itself out. I saw hands down the most attractive women in Prague, but at the same time I saw the ugliest human beings in the world. They made the women of state fairs look like Playboy bunnies. I'm surprised that their government let's them go outside during the day time without wearing a bee keeper suit. If you want to make millions of dollars, go to Prague and make Halloween masks out of these women's faces. Kids would have nightmares for years.
6: Skinny jeans are sadly still popular here, but at the same time so are jorts. Again Europe has balanced itself out. As lame and emberrasing as skinny jeans are, an old man wearing extremely inappropriate jorts is badass enough that I can forgive the jeans.
7: What is the deal with pizza places and argentine steak houses? Everywhere you go, this is all you can see. Now I love pizza and steak, but come on! How do these places stay in business when 90% of the resturaunts in your county sell the exact same thing? Luckily Germany is different.
8: going to the bathroom costs a lot of money. Why in the hell are they allowed to charge you .50 Euros to use the toilet? I have spent more money on expelling the food I ate, than the food itself. It's cool though, I got my revenge of the bathroom in Prague's Royal Palace.
9: Hotdogs are now ruined for me. I had a late night hot dog and it was hands down one of the best things I have ever eaten. I can never go back to Oscar Meyer now. Damn you Prague.
10: Trying to get 10 girls back from a bar is harder than herding cats on catnip and cocaine. They wonder, yell, talk yo every guy they pass, and are HUNGRY! Not to say that they aren't a ton of fun, but getting them home explains why I am getting paid so much to do this.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Euro trip days 1-3
Day 1
So I landed in Amsterdam and was thrown right into the mix. No rest, no naps, 23 hours of painful travel next the oldest human beings I have ever met. It was like hanging out with Larry King's grandparents. Did plenty of tourist sight seeing, followed by a pub crawl. I did my job as chaperone and stopped one silly fight. The words "my friend plays football and he will kick your ass" doesn't carry much weight in Europe. No one is afraid of footballers here.
Day 2
Woke up with a hangover which I 100% deserved. Learned how to handle train rides and took a water tour of Amsterdam. It is amazing how a beer can cure all that ales ya. Next up a 14 hour train ride. Several bottles of wine and Kinkaid gossip later, I find myself in the czek republic.
Day 3
Apparently cellphone service in Prague is not all it is made out to be. Can't get or send texts which is great for a chaperone. The city here is amazing. I figured all former USSR counties to be very grey with 0 people smiling. Well is it very grey and no one is smiling but I cannot figure out why. This city is amazing, but unfortunately I have to chaperone another pub crawl. Wish me luck
So I landed in Amsterdam and was thrown right into the mix. No rest, no naps, 23 hours of painful travel next the oldest human beings I have ever met. It was like hanging out with Larry King's grandparents. Did plenty of tourist sight seeing, followed by a pub crawl. I did my job as chaperone and stopped one silly fight. The words "my friend plays football and he will kick your ass" doesn't carry much weight in Europe. No one is afraid of footballers here.
Day 2
Woke up with a hangover which I 100% deserved. Learned how to handle train rides and took a water tour of Amsterdam. It is amazing how a beer can cure all that ales ya. Next up a 14 hour train ride. Several bottles of wine and Kinkaid gossip later, I find myself in the czek republic.
Day 3
Apparently cellphone service in Prague is not all it is made out to be. Can't get or send texts which is great for a chaperone. The city here is amazing. I figured all former USSR counties to be very grey with 0 people smiling. Well is it very grey and no one is smiling but I cannot figure out why. This city is amazing, but unfortunately I have to chaperone another pub crawl. Wish me luck
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Things I Learned From George and Melissa's Wedding
1: A 4am wakeup the day after your brother's wedding is not the cat's pajamas
2: Never challenge anyone from Georgia to a dance off. They have moves that would make a porn star blush
3: Good pitching wins whiffle ball games, bad pitching loses it.
4: I am the Stephanie Tanner of the family, but at least I don't need a laugh track...Michelle
5: If teaching doesn't work out I could have a pretty lucrative rock career
6: To follow up on number 5, it is borderline Impossible to sing the lyrics "cry of the wind, spirit of fire, heart of a lion" off of an iPhone without cracking up.
7: Powerhouse Jerry may be down but he is NEVER out!
8: Rad has a much bigger following than I gave it credit for, way to go Bill Allen, you deserve it.
9: Jim Rubenstein will eves drop on you on the toilet. So will Bo.
10: If someone is not Baptized and you give him a swirly with a priest in the room, it still counts.
11: I finally figured out what cheese puffs are
12: Ponderosa brings out the best in some, but the worst in others.
13: Closing deals is what life is all about.
2: Never challenge anyone from Georgia to a dance off. They have moves that would make a porn star blush
3: Good pitching wins whiffle ball games, bad pitching loses it.
4: I am the Stephanie Tanner of the family, but at least I don't need a laugh track...Michelle
5: If teaching doesn't work out I could have a pretty lucrative rock career
6: To follow up on number 5, it is borderline Impossible to sing the lyrics "cry of the wind, spirit of fire, heart of a lion" off of an iPhone without cracking up.
7: Powerhouse Jerry may be down but he is NEVER out!
8: Rad has a much bigger following than I gave it credit for, way to go Bill Allen, you deserve it.
9: Jim Rubenstein will eves drop on you on the toilet. So will Bo.
10: If someone is not Baptized and you give him a swirly with a priest in the room, it still counts.
11: I finally figured out what cheese puffs are
12: Ponderosa brings out the best in some, but the worst in others.
13: Closing deals is what life is all about.
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